aggg so i know I don’t usually talk about my derma on her but it’s really bad at the moment.( i know my derma is no where near as bad as some people have to deal with )

i have several open sores on my legs and arms my shoulders are are speckled as well as one massive one on the side of my face a few on my   my neck and chest and a keep glancing at my finger nails and seeing them covered in blood

but what is bothering me most is my stomach in this moment

i have a treasure trail of scabs and no one usually sees it but i went swimming in a two piece today and i just felt really really really awkward about it. my legs and shoulders have always been old and scabby and no one really notices but my stomach is bothering me it feels like a terribly awkward place to have scars and i am just really self conscious about the tummy scar s. but i just can’t stop

what you don’t see are underneath the two wolverine band aids are giant depressions that are noticeably lower than the layer of skin around it.

even typing this i am picking at them

arrg why is it so bad at the moment. it’s driving nuts. and i know that as much as i want to stop i won’t. i can’t sleep if i know there are scabs that haven’t been picked

current number of open and scabby spots: 36

i don’t even notice i am doing it half the time.

i like my body. why do i keep making it so that no one else will like it? who’s going to like someone with awkward scars all over their body that they created with their fingertips and nails for no real reason?  would anyone even understand that?  i want someone other than me to love my body. why am i so scared that no one will?

that’s all continue on with your life.

i am going to try not to ruin another night shirt with blood